Why Leadership in Marriage Starts with Hearing God
- Stonepoint Community Church
- Mar 12
- 4 min read
There’s a war happening in relationships.
Not always loud.
Not always dramatic.
But constant.
It’s the tension between control and calling, between reaction and revelation, between saying “I’m the head” and actually leading like one.
And the truth is simple:
You can’t demand submission if you’re absent from God’s presence.
She Can’t Follow What Isn’t Covered
Genesis 2 gives us God’s original design.
Before there was a wife, there was a man in the presence of God.
Before Eve was formed, Adam was:
Positioned
Assigned purpose
Taught to hear God
Given authority to name and steward
Only then did God say, “It is not good that man should be alone.”
Eve wasn’t created to drag Adam into God’s presence.
She was created to help him fulfill what he already received from God.
But when a man abandons that position—when he stops listening, stops seeking, stops leading spiritually—the weight shifts.
And when the weight shifts, the roof starts leaking.
The Real Issue Isn’t Submission. It’s Direction.
Many men say, “She won’t submit.”
But often, it’s not rebellion.
It’s uncertainty.
Habakkuk 2:2 says:
“Write the vision and make it plain, that he may run that reads it.”
When the vision is clear, people can run with it.
When there is no vision, everyone is in survival mode.
She’s not trying to compete with you.
She’s trying to reconcile the inconsistencies.
She’s trying to figure out:
Where are we going?
What are we building?
Who are we becoming?
And if she feels uncovered, she compensates.
Not because she wants control—
but because chaos is unsafe.
Headship Without Hearing Is Dangerous
1 Corinthians 11:3 lays out divine order:
God is the head of Christ
Christ is the head of man
Man is the head of woman
But here’s the question:
How can you be the head of your home if you’re not submitted to Christ?
Headship is not dominance.
It’s responsibility.
Ephesians 5:25 doesn’t say, “Husbands, demand respect.”
It says:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.”
Before you correct her—
Have you prayed for her?
Before you criticize—
Have you washed her with the Word?
Before you demand loyalty—
Have you demonstrated sacrifice?
You want the crown.
But have you carried the cross?
Women Amplify What You Bring
God took Eve from Adam’s rib.
Not his head—so she’s not superior.
Not his feet—so she’s not inferior.
From his side—close to his heart.
She doesn’t manufacture the atmosphere.
She amplifies it.
Bring peace? She multiplies it.
Bring chaos? She incubates it.
Bring vision? She builds it.
If there’s tension in the home, ask:
What seed am I planting?
She’s Not Resisting Leadership. She’s Resisting Instability.
Many women live on alert.
Emotionally. Spiritually. Practically.
They don’t want to compete.
They want to feel safe.
Safety doesn’t come from volume.
It comes from vision.
Safety doesn’t come from ego.
It comes from humility before God.
If she has to be the spiritual engine of the home while you remain silent, exhausted, disengaged, or reactive—
The roof leaks.
And she starts moving buckets.
Leadership Starts with Listening
1 Samuel 3 shows a child, Samuel, saying:
“Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening.”
If a child can posture himself that way before God—
What’s our excuse?
Real leadership begins on your knees.
Not in arguments.
Not in control.
Not in flexing scripture.
But in saying:
“God, teach me to hear You.”
To the Men
You weren’t taught this.
Many of you didn’t grow up watching a father pray.
You saw men react—but not repent.
Control—but not surrender.
God is not asking you to be perfect.
He’s asking you to be positioned.
Tell Him:
Break my pride.
Teach me to hear.
Give me vision.
Make me a servant before You make me a leader.
Because a title without training becomes tyranny.
To the Women
Submission is not silence.
You were never designed to carry the full spiritual weight of the home alone.
You are a corresponding strength.
Joint heirs.
But joint heirs only work when both joints function.
Your discernment isn’t rebellion.
It’s often survival.
And when a man truly hears God and leads with clarity and humility—
most women don’t resist that.
They rally around it.
Final Thought: Fix the Roof 💭
The issue isn’t personality.
It’s posture.
It’s not control versus submission.
It’s revelation versus reaction.
When the head is aligned with Christ, the house stabilizes.
When the vision is clear, the family can run.
When both agree before God,
there is power in that agreement.
“Can two walk together unless they agree?” – Amos 3:3
If the roof is leaking, don’t argue about the buckets.
Climb higher.
Fix the source.
Struggling to be heard in your relationship? Ready to turn the arguments into alignment? Join us for the next installment of the Elephant in the Bedroom series: WAR OF THE ROSES: He Said, She Said, God Said.
Continues this Sunday at 11:15 AM
📍 4445 W Olive Ave Suite #151, Glendale, AZ 85302
It’s not just another relationship series—it’s the one your future depends on.
